03 February 2009

Cards Unveil New Era, Logo

After two decades of failing to establish a strong, positive identity in Arizona, the football Cardinals have unveiled a bold new look.

"This is great! Flagstaff Purple it's called, after mountains up there...or something" assured team spokeman, Hedrick Dahl.

"We're certain it's bold. It's aggressive. It's exciting. That's the message. That we're bold, we're aggressive and ...um...what was the third one?...oh yes, EXCITING! All our fans, regardless of age or gender, will love the look!"

Official colors include Flagstaff Purple, PV Green and Encanto Gold, and the team name was abbreviated to Car**nals. New uniforms will be showcased at an invitation only gala and fashion show on the Scottsdale Waterfront, for those invested in the new merchandise.

Outside Tempe team HQ, an army of red clad fans protested the changes.

"All my jerseys and stuff are, like, obsolete, man" wailed Toby Weaver III.

"They had no right to do this" added Claiborne Childs. "No right whatsover. Cards made the Super Bowl and now I cant even recognize my own team!"

Dahl downplayed such fleeting attachments:

"First, loyal fans understand we share the division with the Forty Niners, who wear red, so there were compelling jurisdictional issues. Second, unspecified vendors filed unconfirmed complaints against Cardinal red. Fictional typesetters told us it's almost as hard to match up with as Santonio Holmes. Finally, disloyal fans have no idea how valuable our relationships are with unspecified vendors."

Reader sentiment, in an Arizona Republic poll, is running 80/20 against the changes. "Purple is for grandmas....and Vikings...and Ravens and junk. They never should've changed it" warned season ticket holder Bob Scanlon, who dropped his package after the annoucement.

"There will always be strange little red people" explained Dahl. "Our counterstrategy is to publicly scratch our heads in mock bewilderment, then individually invite vocal deadenders up to our executive offices for a purple jersey on the sly - and hope to hell they shut up and move on. Appointments 7456 through 8143 are scheduled for this Thursday. As I said, everyone will love the new look. Or me, maybe. I'm not entirely sure"

Song of the Day - Little Purple Corvette (silent version)


Jeff said...

Excellent! Now that's change I can believe in. Consider me on board with the new, improved Car**nals. What great front office folks they have in the American Southwest!

Gary said...

Oh gawds! I LOOK like that bird Saturday morning after a night on the town!

Michael Norton said...

If they were really clever they would change the logo and mascot altogether, play it off as if they meant Roman Catholic Cardinal all along. Curry a little favor with all your guests from the South, and, who knows, maybe with Someone else.

Michael Norton
Some Clubhouse - It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere!

Matt said...

Oh gawds! I LOOK like that bird Saturday morning after a night on the town!

lol. This is, indeed, one hideous fowl. Strangely, I cannot look away.


We need shrewd, transcendent folk like you in the FO. Our marketers are for da boids.