12 September 2009

This Week's Hacks

After Friday's intimate hypnosis, 30,000 rushed The Lovely Morgan turnstiles Saturday, in pursuit of Augie Ojeda bobbleheads that never arrived.

Then some 'irresponsible' kid named Mulvey, who 'didnt execute pitches' hurled the financially responsible Dbacks to their eighth loss in nine lies ( I cant bring myself to call them actual tries).

Speaking of tries, Chief Exaggerator/Obfuscator Derrick Hall rather audaciously took issue with a fan who labeled 2009 a "rebuilding year", on the apparent grounds plummeting out of contention and flipping one's roster represented sound club strategy all along. Diamondhacks pioneered making fun of our CE/O's cheesy indoctrinations, and the Valley's evidently followed suit. Get a load of Hall's latest post chat feedback. Ouch.

So there's fake vision and motives. Fake promotions. Fake major league baseball. Valley interest is so low that FSNAZ bumped Saturday's gamecast in favor of egregious and locally irrelevant Idaho - Washington football. Perhaps AJ Hinch's development exhibitions still warrant a boxscore in the morning paper.

Friday night, the wife and I endured a steambath HS rivalry clash that drew almost half what the Dbacks mustered downtown. Without air conditioning or the false promise of bobbleheads.

This morning we had a yard sale and realized less than half our normal gross. The economy? The heat? Waning interest in my hastily scattered, overpriced bric a brac? Nah. My wife noticed we had fewer Mexican families pile out of old cars, and we think that's the reason. They often buy a ton of kid's clothes and toys, and I guess many have returned to Mexico, for a variety of reasons. I feel a letter to my Congressman coming on.

Dear Honorable_________,

As a tax paying citizen and old white guy, I feel it incumbent on you to ensure that someone buy my old crap.



Russell said...

You seem to have forgotten that the "All You Can Eat" section has been a huge success.

Diamondhacks said...

True, but still not as popular as the rest of the park's vast "All You Can Stomach" areas.