08 October 2009

2009 Hackies

Most Outstanding Player: Dan Haren
Most Offensive Performance: Eric Byrnes
Most Glorified Coach: Kirk Gibson
Most Likely To Succeed: Justin Upton
Most Likely To Secede: Doug Davis
Best Dressed: Josh Byrnes
Best Performance By A Barely Engish Speaker in a Supporting Role: Trent Oeltjen
Oldest Human(under 30 division): (tie) Chad Tracy, Jon Garland
Hardest To Look At: Max Scherzer
Biggest Surprise: The Hinch hire
Biggest Enigma: Stephen Drew
Most Pleasant Surprise: Jon Rauch, Ryan Roberts
Most Underappreciated Season: Doug Davis
Fattest: Todd Walsh
Out in Left Field (muy loco): Senor Bobby Freeman

Most Ingratiating: Daron Sutton
Worst Haircut: Earl "Ken" Kendrick
Least Verbal: Radio mainstay Greg Schulte
Worst Hands: Justin Upton
Most Outstanding Defense: Coach Bryan Price
Oldest Human(open division): Joe Garagiola Sr
Best Second Half: Jon Garland
Worst Soil Borne Fungal Disease: Valley Fever
Best Vendor: Daryl
Best Rallyback: (no award)

Best Stadium Improvement: Daily Value Menu
Best Promotion(no wind) : Fireworks
Best Promoter (wind): Derrick Hall
Most Irreplaceable Team Blog: Dbacks Player Development by AJ Hinch
Smartest Player: Dan Haren
Most Durable: Mark Reynolds
Rookie of the Year: Gerardo Parra, Clay Zavada, Tor Kamata
Most Improved: Miguel Montero
Most Valuable: Dan Haren
Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Derrick Hall

Lifetime Acheivement Award: Matt Williams...for instrumental contributions to The Game, encompassing broadcast, instruction amd playing the right way. Now, granted, that's easier said than done, but it all starts with character. These kids will learn that. They have the talent. They just need that second piece. What I have. Me and my ninth wife...


Anonymous said...

Mr. Diamondhacks - I love your blog. It is the only place to read honest and interesting analysis of the Diamondbacks on the web and I have followed it for several years now, but never had an intelligent comment to add. I just wanted to say: please never stop writing it.

Thank you,
A disgruntled Diamondbacks fan from Sierra Vista

Caroline said...

I totally agree with most of these...especially Worst Soil Borne Fungal Disease. And Most Durable. Mark Reynolds is made of rubber!

Diamondhacks said...

Sierra Vista,
I feel like I just won the Nobel Prize; humbled, grateful and mostly, surprised as hell! Thank you so much. Incidentally, my contract runs thru 2015, so stick around :-)


If Reynolds is rubber, I'm afraid Valley Fever may've turned Conor into glue!

PAUL said...

I will burn this house in order to save it? Is that the overriding strategy from Diamondhacks?

Russell said...

Anonymous- I also have never had an intelligent comment to add but I don't let that stop me.

Diamondhacks said...

Diamondhacks is driven by impulsive, visceral needs for money, sex and power. There is no overriding strategy.