29 March 2010

Dbacks Offer Up Booty

As rising Suns and rags to riches Coyotes print up playoff tickets, the last place Diamondbacks aim to rouse any remaining fans with Uptown.

Neither discounts nor winning are implied in the Sat/Sun promotion - just dishrags with the word "Uptown" stenciled on, presumably by third world laborers.

Fans in the full price bleacher seats, many partially obstructed by Justin Upton's prominent glutes, will be encouraged to wave the rags, in the event something positive occurs. According to dbacks.com, customers in these special, set aside sections may even have a chance to "catch a baseball" - something of a challenge for Arizona's right fielder.


Russell said...

I really really hate the "Uptown" idea.

a) Because it's tacky.


b) Because it places too much emphasis/pressure on a young player. He's not yet a Manny or a McGwire

Jeff said...

I sincerely hope there are people out there who read your work and don't understand satire, sarcasm, smart-ass-ness...


(PS, the Chinese don't like their country being labeled as "Third World" but then again we don't quite like them serving us dog meat and calling it beef either)

Diamondhacks said...

For me, Uptown evokes that old Jeffersons theme song, "Movin' On Up", but only because I'm a virulent racist.

Xie xie