20 April 2010

Hinch Ditched For Wagner Card

The holy grail of baseball cards, a Honus Wagner T206 owned by Ken Kendrick, will immediately supplant AJ Hinch as skipper, the Diamondbacks announced today. Hinch has been reassigned.

"We knew when we hired AJ that we were pretty out of the box. Believe me, we knew" Kendrick said. "It didnt work out, so this time I decided to keep our search within the box. Specifically, PSA's lucite casing, which protects my extraordinary Wagner card.

I want two things from a manager. First, dont ask questions when I give a directive. And two, be clean cut. I was pleased with AJ's appearance, the lack of facial hair, but one doesnt need a magnifying glass to see the Flying Dutchman is
expertly trimmed as well. "

Team President Derrick Hall also issued a statement:

This latest move is exciting for the franchise and the Diamondbacks' nation of highly valued fans. Our most recent year of gross underperformance was a perception issue among our wonderful fans who are still learning the game, and doesnt reflect negatively on AJ or the outstanding leaders who hired him. AJ is a true difference maker, who developed and managed our fabulous core, without a hint of facial hair.

Kendrick added: AJ was a very clear thinker, but nothing matches the clarity and gloss of my Wagner card. It's a PSA 8 for God's sake, and just jumps off the paper. Take a look! It's hypnotic!

The principal owner was asked if a player card managing a major league team might present problems.

"No. Honus commands respect wherever he goes. We'll display him on the manager's stool, in the dugout, where everybody can see him. I'm confident we'll be fine."


PAUL said...

How do you like Aaron Heilman so far?

Russell said...

I'm in two minds about this. I think that it's a bold move to get rid of Hinch but I can't believe that a player card will be much better.

I'd prefer a portrait of Richard Wagner to take control. The team could run out to 'Ride of the Valkyries" and I'm sure that the FO could spin the whole "anti-semitism" thing into a more positive light. There is also a "'Bayreuth/Babe Ruth' angle that could be exploited.

Diamondhacks said...

lol Russell. I think our team's psyche may be closer to Madame Butterfly :-)

Diamondhacks said...

Heilman, Paul? He's about what I expected. Seven appearances, given up runs in three of em. I dont think anyone saw him as a shut down guy.