29 June 2010

Willis, Stottlemyre To Swap Roles

Struggling starter Dontrelle Willis will switch roles and responsibilities with embattled pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre Jr, the Diamondbacks announced Tuesday.

According to GM Josh Byrnes, the reassignments aim to optimize organizational resources in a challenged market, and are effective the moment the 46 year old Stottlemyre finds a glove to his liking.

We tried to get Dontrelle to aim the ball between on-deck circles, with mixed results. Mel doesnt throw very hard at his age, or quite as hard as his dad in Missouri, but I think our remaining fans will be pleasantly surprised with his command.
Willis, who has no formal coaching experience, enthusiastically supports the initiative and aims to succeed in his unfamiliar post.

"The ball just wouldnt stay down for me, but I'm down with this. Whatever. Anything that helps the club, you know? That's what I'm about."

Byrnes further defended what, flat on its face, appears to be an unorthodox move:

People may question, "Arent you changing the nature of the job a little bit?" Yeah, we'll do that.

Just because Dontrelle cant throw a strike, doesnt mean he cant inspire others to do so. We noticed how vocal he was with Edwin during the no hitter, and thought it was strange Edwin had never pitched anywhere near that well for Stott.

So, we wanted to capitalize on Dontrelle's unique mentoring skills. We feel we've done that.

General Partner Ken Kendrick chastised skeptical media members:

Some "experts" liken this to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, but we think that's irresponsible. Firstly, the Titanic was an ungainly - and quite ostentatious - vessel, with lots of lifeboats, so it's hardly analogous to our efforts here.

I didnt get into this business to fail, or sink as it were. It's been five years now, and I dont honestly recall why I got involved exactly, but sinking twelve thousand feet straight to the bottom of the ocean wasnt in my wildest dreams.

At heart, I'm a modest man, operating a modest business, realizing modest returns, but despite what others may think, I do have wild dreams from time to time, when I feel it's appropriate. That's the key. I carefully assess whether or not it's appropriate, under the particular circumstances.


Russell said...

"We tried to get Dontrelle to aim the ball between on-deck circles, with mixed results."- lol.

I also wonder if anybody did rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic, all the time thinking; "well at least I've left the world a great analogy."

Diamondhacks said...


I've never denied the Titanic's role in spawning a marvelous analogy. But the cost was horrendous; 1500 lives, the undeserved elevation of Dicaprio and safety fears that plague the cruise industry to this day, almost a century later.

Anyone who pines mindlessly for a return to the Titanic, which I believe is what started all this, lives in a fantasy world. Or is "hiding" in Vancouver, perhaps?

Diamondhacks said...


Not sure if you heard, but our old friend from mlblogs, paul lebowitz, got a nice shout out from Daron in yesterday's gamecast. They used something he'd written about Edwin Jackson's pitch count as the Geico Quote of the Game.

I thought that was pretty cool.
(of course, I'm seething as I write that. how is it that I rag on the Dbacks four hundred days a year, and Sutton never recognizes MEEEEEEE!!!)

AzIdiotPit said...

They need to be ragged on 400 times a year as this team is....I dont even know what adjective to use anymore. Nice win for our double a guy today, too bad I missed it because of work. I say we fire AJ and the rest of those useless idiots and let me and hacks manage this team. You either produce, or you're outta here, simple as that.

Russell said...

Daron quoting Lebowitz! I never thought I would see the day.