27 April 2008

Huffing & Puffing



As desert cream spurts to the top of the majors, ordinary Diamondback fans are puffing out our chests. No team inspires - nor deserves - this blindingly white "cream-puff" support more than our first place Dbacks. Hello. My name is F. Ron Trunner and I've been a crossover Dbacks fan since 1987. I wanna thank Diamondhacks for this opportunity to iron a few things out. I dont care to ruffle anyone's sense, or sensibilities, and am speaking strictly off the cuff.

April's stiffest challenge (besides Doug Davis's sensationalized and routinely treatable thyroid cancer) was our unforgettable showdown with those international darlings, the Los Angeles Dodgers - a fierce rival who've won nearly half their games. If luck holds out, this riveting caliber of nearly average competition could even invade "downtown" Phoenix a second time, perhaps as early as May! If that ever does happen again, you wont find me at home bleaching my whites. I'll be sitting amongst them instead - at Bank Wan Ballpark.

Traditional know-it-alls probably expect the Dbacks to host a .500 team every single month of the season, but that's one reason I moved to Arizona - to escape those starchy East Coast expectations. Why, Bank One Ballpark proudly hosted a visiting .500 club only six months ago. Seems like yesterday, really.

If you wanna rag on a team for playing softies, look at the Cardinals. Not them. The Arizona Cardinals, who havent played a .500 strength of schedule (SOS) since 2005! That's what I call a bunch of losers. Some may call attention to the fact the Diamondbacks havent tackled a .500+ strength of schedule (SOS) since 2002, but I think it's fair to say those people are losers as well.





Now excuse me, while I air dry my gossamer man blouse in the Arizona sunshine, and daydream of baseball's greatest team. Their championship season resumes this evening, versus Sampson and the Houston Astros (12-14), followed, presumably, by a very underrated Delilah.

-- F. Ron Trunner

5 comments:

Russell said...

Well done Mr Trunner-Matt could never have come up with something as clever "Bank Wan Ballpark"

Jeff said...

After defeating the Astros last night, I could've swore I heard Bob Melvin scream: "They are who we thought they were!"

F Ron Trunner said...

Mr Russell,

Thank you for the kind words. Matt is an OK guy but a pedestrian writer. He tells me you are from England?

As I say, I dont want to ruffle any feathers here on his site, but your ancestors were absolute cream puffs in the revolution. Take care.


Jeff,

You can crown the Diamondbacks' asses if you want. Go ahead! Crown em! But the Astros let em off the hook.

Rusel said...

Mr Trunner-A Fijian cab driver told me yesterday that Fiji had fallen to pieces since the British left.I think the same can be said for all the Colonies (of course he could have just been after a good tip).

F. Ron Trunner said...

Nothing stabilizes an inferior society like a good, old-fashioned 100 year occupation

-- F. Ron Trunner, American