11 August 2009

Bulletin: Chris Young Not Producing for Hinch/Howell

May 7th, 2009

Bob Melvin: Say Josh, Chris Young is hitting .170 and killing our offense.
Josh Byrnes: Never disparage my core guys, Bob. You've had a whole month to restore CY to who he was - in my dreams. Plus, pending the doctor's report, I charge you with witchcraft against Conor Jackson! You're fired.

... ___ ...

August 10, 2009

AJ Hinch: Mr Byrnes, I think we may, possibly, need every outfielder to hit, like, at least .270 if we're to fully align our situational leadership goals. You know I think the world of Chris....but...well...
Josh Byrnes: 270? Super input. I'll send him to Reno today. Anything else?
AJ Hinch: May I please have some more dudes from Australia?


Caroline said...

The horrifying truth of that is that Josh Byrnes is definitely capable of saying things like that.
Wonder if he'll actually bring up Blackley, that Aussie pitcher? He isn't on the 40-man roster, though.

Diamondhacks said...


As an independent blogger, it's gratifying when readers, let me rephrase that, when Dback fans like you, appreciate a little organizational satire.

For the benefit of dbbp's defensive, ill-humored trolls, I've caricatured the principals and their actual thought processes here, in the interest of space, and to make a larger, philosophical point.