15 August 2009

Diamondbacks Aid Stroke Victim; Topple Dodgers

In gripping front page news, the Diamondbacks wrote off a ticket they couldnt sell to anyone else and gave it to a young girl bravely recovering from a stroke. In a further display of local philanthropy, the finest organization in baseball downed the despised Dodgers Friday for the first time since the late 1800's.

Thirty one thousand and change witnessed the event at Chase Field, but years from now, millions will say they were there. They will talk about "the time" former Dback Orlando Hudson came to bat in the ninth with runners on and did NOT win the game. Repeat. He did NOT win the game. They will recount how an evil liner off the bat of Casey Blake blistered the stands beyond third base, hitting a pregnant Amish woman in the shoulder, and how Derrick Hall waved his hand over her, intoning "Let's make this a win/win" - and mother and baby were instantly "well".

They will call this game The Game That Mattered for a hundred years. When Haren plugged Ethier square on his "H" and when Rusty Ryal got er done. When a team and a community pulled together, to within sixteen games of the flag, and ten games from the Freddie Lewis-led Giants.

In a miraculous stroke of good luck, tickets are still available in select areas of the ballpark.

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