LIVE- from Diamondhacks' beautifully paneled conference facility on the shores of Otsego Lake, not far from the National Baseball Hame of Fall, it's the 2010 Diamond Hacks Awards! Known near and far as "Hackies", few presents impart the honor, privilege and just plain F-U-N of these pewter plated prizes.
The Devon White "Most Outstanding Player": Kelly Johnson
The Gonzo "Best Hitter" Award: Dan Haren
The Suzi Quatro "Stumblin In" Citation: Back to back to back to back
The Eric Byrnes "Most Offensive Hitter": Gerardo Parra
The Oddjob Trophy: Matt William
The Entire No Hitter From The Stretch Award: Edwin Jackson
The Steve Finley "I'm With Leather" Decoration: Chris Young
Most Inadvisable Front Office Remark: "We think we're close to having a championship-style team". --Derrick Hall, ARIZONA REPUBLIC, 4/22/10
Best Ex-Diamondback: Carlos Gonzalez
Best Pure Rookie: Barry Enright
Smartest Player: Rodrigo Lopez
The Chili With Stephen Recognition: None
Derrick Hall Selfless Tool of Humanity Loving Cup: Derrick Hall
The Randy Johnson "Best Pitcher": Ian Kennedy
The Jackie Robinson "Best Athlete"(Open division): Edwin Jackson, JUp
The Jackie Jensen "Best White Athlete": Kirk Gibson
The Adam LaRoche Best Second Half Award: Daniel Hudson, Stephen Drew
Worst Haircut
David Copperfield Illusion Award: Brandon Webb & Jonathan Maurer
The Scottish-American "Dumbest Race": Legends Race
Oprah's "Slowest Runner" Selection of the Month(every month): Adam LaRoche
The Max Scherzer "Hard To Look At" Award: Dontrelle Willis, Dr Michael Brown (retired)
The Friday Fireworks "Best Promo of the Year": Cullen Maxey Bobblehead
Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Seasons": Juan Gutierrez
The Jandek "Hardest To Listen To" Award: Daron Sutton, Derrick Hall
The Daryl "Best Ballpark Vendor" Award: Daryl
AJ's Signature Accomplishment: 7.5 games out of fourth place - in May.
The Alberto Callaspo "Nasty Controversy" Honor: SB1070/ASG Boycott
Best Stadium Improvement: Elbow room
The Fat Bastard Lifetime Achievement Award: Todd Walsh
The Jan Brewer "Most Painfully Overdue Removal": AJ Hinch
The "Sparky Anderson Bullshit" Award: Kirk Gibson
The AJ Hinch "Lamest Promotion Ever": Uptown
The Rod Allen "Second Lamest Promotion Ever": Mel Stottlemyre Jr
The Bill Bidwill "Owner Oozing Financial Responsibility"Award: Earl "Ken" Kendrick
The Betty Crocker "Fudge Brownie" Award: 2,056,697 alleged paid attendance
Most Likely To Balk In A Winning Run: Esmerling Vasquez
Daron Sutton's Most Embarrassing Moment: Broadcasting
3 comments:
I was sad to miss out on attending the ceremony, but the whole paparrazzi dodging charade becomes tiresome after a while!
All in all it's been a great season with only the on field (and off field) fiascos detracting from the overall sense that this is a club very much on the way up!
Erin Andrews asked where you were. Twice actually. Once as the awards lagged into their second hour, and again at the after party, out on the cabin cruiser.
First she asked if I "knew" you, so I said "kind of". Out on the lake, after a dew drinks, she whispered in my ear, "Tell Russell Arizona via Slough was hottt!"
So, consider yourself told. And try to make it next year.
I'm sick of Andrews. She's dead to me.
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