Results just in from the latest Diamondhacks poll, asking:
As a Diamondbacks fan, what would you rather have access to:
Dollar hot dogs and soda 40%
Star players 40%
Recently won WS trophy 20%
Club marketing czar 0%
Derrick Hall, the club's marketing czar, is often touted as among the most "accessible" executives in the majors, but our exclusive poll confirms no one particularly cares. At least not compared to other types of "access" these Diamondbacks routinely deny.
There certainly arent any dollar hot dogs or soda, like the Padres provided at every home game for the entire month of July.
No complimentary family photos next to the coveted World Series trophy, as delivered by Jerry Colangelo to season ticket holders.
And get a load of the fan favorites, jettisoned just this winter, by the self-described "non profit" franchise: Orlando Hudson, Randy Johnson and Adam Dunn. Neither of the remaining favorites, Brandon Webb and Eric Byrnes, appeared at the club's February FanFest, billed as fans' best (and perhaps, last) hope to bond with their larger than life heroes.
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Song of the Day - I Still Havent Found What I'm Looking For (U2)
Showing posts with label Eric Byrnes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eric Byrnes. Show all posts
14 February 2009
27 May 2008
Last Week's Hacks
Two months ago, egged on by the usual suspects from the Dbacks sales department, local fanboys gushed how the West was the league's best division - some went so far as to call it the best division in baseball. One month ago, after just two squads managed to win half their games, Mark Grace conceded he was wrong. Today, only AZ and LA among the NL Worst are playing even .400 ball. Three of baseball's four worst teams reside in the division and Arizona's strength of schedule currently ranks 29th of 30 teams.
Trolling along at 10-13 in May, the Diamondbacks must win four of five to maintain their league leading streak of consecutive (7) non losing months. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim own MLB's longest current run (10), and with only four more months of winning will likely eclipse the length of their official team name.
Leave it to Doug Davis to rebound from thyroid surgery ahead of schedule with an impressive win that is overshadowed by some east coast "cancer fighter" who chucks a no hitter. Doug prefers it that way and so do I.
What's wrong with Diamondback hitters? As a group, they swing too hard, too high and too often. Maybe they can find a hitting coach, like Kevin Seitzer, to teach them to take the ball the other way. Like Augue Ojeda and Chipper Jones. What was the NL's top offense in April is now sixth or seventh for the season. The pitching (128 ERA+), even after Webb's latest losses, is still head and shoulders above the league. Fragile, elderly Randy Johnson whiffed ten Braves on Saturday in just six innings.
Grace and Sutton cleaned up their schtick for Johnson's start, Saturday's national Fox Game of the Week - and sounded like actual baseball announcers. Speaking of Grace, I agree with discounting suspected steroid users when it comes to Hall of Fame induction, but no amount of creative suspicion can reasonably catapult Grace into Cooperstown. The Hall is for great players and Mark Grace was never that, as evidenced by placing no higher than 13th in any MVP voting - despite considerable popularity fueled by WGN broadcasts prior to the explosion of cable TV. Mark carved out a very solid career at first base with two tools - as did JT Snow, John Olerud and many others who dont deserve induction.
Chris Snyder and Brandon Webb, a pair of white southerners, spoofed Saturday's pregame lineup, ridiculing Orlando Hudson and Migeul Montero's English enunciation in the process. My favorites were Conor "All Eyebrow Team" Jackson, Mark "Roger Dorn" Reynolds, and Justin "I Missed My 8th Grade Dance To Play Today" Upton.
Not only was Byrnes' Sunday slam the first of his career, it was also the second slam yielded by Glavine in 366 at bats with the bases jammed. (Something tells me that 366 included alot of starting pitchers.) The Glavine/Livan axiom about pitching around top tier hitters, which they've both exploited with great overall success, got trumped Sunday by the adage about getting burned by pitching with men on base all the time. In truth, both axioms are valid.
Perish the thought that a Memorial Day game might feature a pregame ceremony or fly by, an announcer's admonishment to remember fallen soldiers, and then on with the ballgame. Today, a baseball telecast is sufficient justification for an inning by inning glorification of the U.S. military, courtesy of FSNAZ and your Arizona Diamondbacks. Why, if you didnt know any better, you'd swear our volunteer force was at war, fighting for freedom, democracy, and our very way of life! Lengthy split screen interviews with military personnel, including one with a color guard champion that amounted to little more than a recruiting segment - in the middle of a ballgame.
A colonel was actually able to get a revealing word in edegwise, between Grace and Sutton fumbling over one another to laud him for his chosen career choice the prerequisite half dozen times. He made a special point to thank Daron's "organization" for providing much appreciated baseball quipment to his troops back in Kosovo in 1999. That was, of course, the Colangelo "organization" - the one that, as far as I know, never publicized their donation - they certianly never revolved a game telecast around it. Colangelo wasnt above blowing his own horn from time to time, but nobody blows it like these guys.
Ingratiating "reporter" Mark McCune has improved to the point where his standups with players and fans are less annoying than Todd Walsh's self indulgent, insider monologues. Mark's still very awkward behind the desk, but he's done some homework and improved as a sideline reporter.
Trolling along at 10-13 in May, the Diamondbacks must win four of five to maintain their league leading streak of consecutive (7) non losing months. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim own MLB's longest current run (10), and with only four more months of winning will likely eclipse the length of their official team name.
Leave it to Doug Davis to rebound from thyroid surgery ahead of schedule with an impressive win that is overshadowed by some east coast "cancer fighter" who chucks a no hitter. Doug prefers it that way and so do I.
What's wrong with Diamondback hitters? As a group, they swing too hard, too high and too often. Maybe they can find a hitting coach, like Kevin Seitzer, to teach them to take the ball the other way. Like Augue Ojeda and Chipper Jones. What was the NL's top offense in April is now sixth or seventh for the season. The pitching (128 ERA+), even after Webb's latest losses, is still head and shoulders above the league. Fragile, elderly Randy Johnson whiffed ten Braves on Saturday in just six innings.
Grace and Sutton cleaned up their schtick for Johnson's start, Saturday's national Fox Game of the Week - and sounded like actual baseball announcers. Speaking of Grace, I agree with discounting suspected steroid users when it comes to Hall of Fame induction, but no amount of creative suspicion can reasonably catapult Grace into Cooperstown. The Hall is for great players and Mark Grace was never that, as evidenced by placing no higher than 13th in any MVP voting - despite considerable popularity fueled by WGN broadcasts prior to the explosion of cable TV. Mark carved out a very solid career at first base with two tools - as did JT Snow, John Olerud and many others who dont deserve induction.
Chris Snyder and Brandon Webb, a pair of white southerners, spoofed Saturday's pregame lineup, ridiculing Orlando Hudson and Migeul Montero's English enunciation in the process. My favorites were Conor "All Eyebrow Team" Jackson, Mark "Roger Dorn" Reynolds, and Justin "I Missed My 8th Grade Dance To Play Today" Upton.
Not only was Byrnes' Sunday slam the first of his career, it was also the second slam yielded by Glavine in 366 at bats with the bases jammed. (Something tells me that 366 included alot of starting pitchers.) The Glavine/Livan axiom about pitching around top tier hitters, which they've both exploited with great overall success, got trumped Sunday by the adage about getting burned by pitching with men on base all the time. In truth, both axioms are valid.
Perish the thought that a Memorial Day game might feature a pregame ceremony or fly by, an announcer's admonishment to remember fallen soldiers, and then on with the ballgame. Today, a baseball telecast is sufficient justification for an inning by inning glorification of the U.S. military, courtesy of FSNAZ and your Arizona Diamondbacks. Why, if you didnt know any better, you'd swear our volunteer force was at war, fighting for freedom, democracy, and our very way of life! Lengthy split screen interviews with military personnel, including one with a color guard champion that amounted to little more than a recruiting segment - in the middle of a ballgame.
A colonel was actually able to get a revealing word in edegwise, between Grace and Sutton fumbling over one another to laud him for his chosen career choice the prerequisite half dozen times. He made a special point to thank Daron's "organization" for providing much appreciated baseball quipment to his troops back in Kosovo in 1999. That was, of course, the Colangelo "organization" - the one that, as far as I know, never publicized their donation - they certianly never revolved a game telecast around it. Colangelo wasnt above blowing his own horn from time to time, but nobody blows it like these guys.
Ingratiating "reporter" Mark McCune has improved to the point where his standups with players and fans are less annoying than Todd Walsh's self indulgent, insider monologues. Mark's still very awkward behind the desk, but he's done some homework and improved as a sideline reporter.
Saw "Indiana Jones and The Pre Columbian, Post Plausible Kingdom of Steve & George's Fossilized Skulls". I get it's supposed to be "fake", but when a franchise trades silly plausibility on a human scale for two hours of ridiculous death cheating CGI (Computer Generated Impossibility), the needed stage for empathetic entertainment evaporates and an important connection to vicarious viewers is lost.
For example, Indy might've survived the nuclear test blast by locking himself into an air tight fridge. This unadorned macho feat would've given The Most Interesting Man In The World a serious run for his dinero, but Speilberg and Lucas got greedy, or lazy, and demanded their middle aged professor emerge from his appliance's CGI enhanced trajectory and cartoonishly rocky landing with nary a scratch. It's meant in fun, but it's disheartening that mindful adventure fans are asked to buy this - and several other stunts - on any level. CGI driven storylines can rob the viewer of genuine suspense and here transfigure the famously resourceful human protagonist into a distant God that doesnt bleed. I could've easily hopped theatres to watch Hancock toss a beached whale a nautical mile instead, but prefer to cling to the ideal that the best cinematic "escapism" is still tethered to recognizable behavior and believable human response.
14 May 2008
Good Guys, Bad Gig
I didnt see this reported online, but after last night's game, in the 
clubhouse, Orlando Hudson went off on the fans for booing Eric Byrnes. He was about to be interviewed by Todd Walsh, and before Walsh asked him any game questions, Oh Dawg appeared to take it upon himself to volunteer his "disappointment" at the situation. As far as I could tell, this wasnt in response to a Walsh question, rather something Hudson really wanted to get off his chest.
He said "disappointed" three times. He said everybody has slumps. He shook his head and said "after everything he [Byrnes] gives to the team" and even included Eric's TV show in the "everything" that Byrnes gives fans.
In related news, Daron Sutton recently explained how Eric vounteered for an extra hour and a half of BP the other day. Sutton repeated the time commitment, for emphasis.
Why do I bring all this up? It's not to debate whether it's ok to boo Byrnes or to discuss his contract or prospects going forward. I mention these two anecdotes because, together, I think they serve to illustrate how systematically divorced the major league baseball enterprise has become from ordinary people who provide the lion's share of its support.
Take Hudson. He's visibly upset the fans are booing his friend. I can understand that. But understand this, Orlando. First, your friend is a professional ballplayer making $10M per year to entertain people - primarily via winning - and he's failing miserably at that commitment. Second, this is no ordinary slump. Forget the .103 BA in his last 58 at bats - Byrnes hasnt drawn a single walk since April 26th! He hits worse than a relief pitcher and looks it. He has hamstring problems but one cant watch his garbled approach without being convinced there's a mental apspect to this flailing - a lack of concentration, gameplan,etc. Third, fans arent always booing players as much as they're booing management's decision to field that particular player under given circumstances. That might not dry Eric's or Orlando's tears, but it's true.
Now let's take Sutton's remark about the extra BP. I'm confident Eric is trying to work out of his slump. But I ask you this. How many among us, those who make a tad less than $10M annually, have volunteered an hour and a half of our time to smooth over some rough edges at work in terms of our performance? I daresay virtually everybody trying to put food on the table. What bothered me about Sutton's remark was the breathlessness of it. It wasnt just to inform us that Eric was taking extra work, it was to impress us.
And it failed miserably. I wasnt there to gauge the nature of this extra BP, but to be fair, an hour and a half of straight BP is very tough. But to the larger point, so what? Should any working American really be impressed by this "news"?
Another reason I offer these anecdotes is because Byrnes and Hudson both have such terrific reputations dealing with fans. You virtually never hear a bad word about either and I have no reason to think either reputation is undeserved. This isnt Barry Bonds or any other infamous prima donna. OK, one could make the case for Byrnes, but he and Oh Dawg are good guys. I'm not gonna call 'em "great guys" cause that's overdone, but there's plenty of evidence they're reasonably grounded, likeable dudes.
Yet Hudson takes privileged umbrage that his $10M bunkmate is actually (Heavens to Betsy!) booooed! Apparently, fans who pay to be entertained dont have sufficient respect for the lucrative and expansive Eric Byrnes franchise, according to one Mr Hudson. And we're supposed to be satisfied, grateful even, that this 'professional' takes time out of his busy schedule whoring
his personal franchise to bear at least cursory semblance to a major league hitter.
It's not the personalities here. These are both reasonably self-motivated, hard working guys. It's the incessant culture of hype and illusion bearing down on them. An industry that exalts players as superhuman and lifeless, mindless fans who reflexively let it happen. Maybe it's time that baseball fans, adult fans anyway, step back yet again and rethink who and what they're rooting for.
clubhouse, Orlando Hudson went off on the fans for booing Eric Byrnes. He was about to be interviewed by Todd Walsh, and before Walsh asked him any game questions, Oh Dawg appeared to take it upon himself to volunteer his "disappointment" at the situation. As far as I could tell, this wasnt in response to a Walsh question, rather something Hudson really wanted to get off his chest.He said "disappointed" three times. He said everybody has slumps. He shook his head and said "after everything he [Byrnes] gives to the team" and even included Eric's TV show in the "everything" that Byrnes gives fans.
In related news, Daron Sutton recently explained how Eric vounteered for an extra hour and a half of BP the other day. Sutton repeated the time commitment, for emphasis.
An hour and a half ! , he shreiked.
Why do I bring all this up? It's not to debate whether it's ok to boo Byrnes or to discuss his contract or prospects going forward. I mention these two anecdotes because, together, I think they serve to illustrate how systematically divorced the major league baseball enterprise has become from ordinary people who provide the lion's share of its support.
Take Hudson. He's visibly upset the fans are booing his friend. I can understand that. But understand this, Orlando. First, your friend is a professional ballplayer making $10M per year to entertain people - primarily via winning - and he's failing miserably at that commitment. Second, this is no ordinary slump. Forget the .103 BA in his last 58 at bats - Byrnes hasnt drawn a single walk since April 26th! He hits worse than a relief pitcher and looks it. He has hamstring problems but one cant watch his garbled approach without being convinced there's a mental apspect to this flailing - a lack of concentration, gameplan,etc. Third, fans arent always booing players as much as they're booing management's decision to field that particular player under given circumstances. That might not dry Eric's or Orlando's tears, but it's true.
Now let's take Sutton's remark about the extra BP. I'm confident Eric is trying to work out of his slump. But I ask you this. How many among us, those who make a tad less than $10M annually, have volunteered an hour and a half of our time to smooth over some rough edges at work in terms of our performance? I daresay virtually everybody trying to put food on the table. What bothered me about Sutton's remark was the breathlessness of it. It wasnt just to inform us that Eric was taking extra work, it was to impress us.
And it failed miserably. I wasnt there to gauge the nature of this extra BP, but to be fair, an hour and a half of straight BP is very tough. But to the larger point, so what? Should any working American really be impressed by this "news"?
Another reason I offer these anecdotes is because Byrnes and Hudson both have such terrific reputations dealing with fans. You virtually never hear a bad word about either and I have no reason to think either reputation is undeserved. This isnt Barry Bonds or any other infamous prima donna. OK, one could make the case for Byrnes, but he and Oh Dawg are good guys. I'm not gonna call 'em "great guys" cause that's overdone, but there's plenty of evidence they're reasonably grounded, likeable dudes.
Yet Hudson takes privileged umbrage that his $10M bunkmate is actually (Heavens to Betsy!) booooed! Apparently, fans who pay to be entertained dont have sufficient respect for the lucrative and expansive Eric Byrnes franchise, according to one Mr Hudson. And we're supposed to be satisfied, grateful even, that this 'professional' takes time out of his busy schedule whoring
his personal franchise to bear at least cursory semblance to a major league hitter.It's not the personalities here. These are both reasonably self-motivated, hard working guys. It's the incessant culture of hype and illusion bearing down on them. An industry that exalts players as superhuman and lifeless, mindless fans who reflexively let it happen. Maybe it's time that baseball fans, adult fans anyway, step back yet again and rethink who and what they're rooting for.
07 May 2008
Best of the Outfield?
Blake DeWitt and his charging Dodgers are deflating some Dbackers, but nothing brings down Phoenix faithful inside the park lately quite like these dozen words:
Ah yes. Here it comes. The onset of outs, the precursor of pop ups and eradicator of rallies. Four times a night, sometimes five, these recorded strains herald each approach of Eric Byrnes to his personal "outbox", located directly west of home plate.
The song, by a deservedly defunct band called "The Outfield ", is probably worth hating on it's own, without Eric's help, but his non hitting and non stealing have relegated this tune down there with Run Joey Run and Toni Basil's Mickey on the bottom of my playlist.
If I had a playlist or knew what one was.
Josie's on a vacation far away?
What the hell is that? Anyone who's watched Byrnes play lately knows Josie's not the one on vacation. Bring back Disco Inferno. Burn, baby, burn. Or better yet, get some hits.
What the hell is that? Anyone who's watched Byrnes play lately knows Josie's not the one on vacation. Bring back Disco Inferno. Burn, baby, burn. Or better yet, get some hits.
I also find it a bit creepy that Byrnes, who wed earlier this year, struts to a ditty so warmly nostalgic for brazen infidelity... and creepier still, of course, that I give a damn one way or another.
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