Blogger Gets Down

In the spirit of Friday the 13th, Blogspot crashed yesterday afternoon , and is in still in the process of restoring posts, comments and other functions. Accessing the blog for the first time in about 24 hours, I just placed the most recent post, about All Star Tickets, offline, until google hopefully restores the original comment thread. The one with several links about the 2010 Anaheim game.

In any case, I hope to add to that discussion by end of day (or night), before we were so rudely interrupted.

Accidents Will Happen

The most ignominious way for an online baseball fan to get ostracized isnt viciously trolling arch rival forums. It's carelessly mentioning anything about one's fantasy team.

I wont jeopardize the burgeoning, hip community spirit of Diamondhacks with that, other than to say this is the first year in several I'm not playing. It's not that it wasnt fun. It's just that when you reach a certain level of proficiency, the daily effort to maintain that mimics multiple strains of mental illness. So I'll have more time on my hands, to read, pay bills and look around at other stuff. Just yesterday, I discovered a wife and dog. She'd been here nineteen years. The dog ten.

Openers are a little like fantasy baseball. Painfully over analyzed, prompting over reactions and their own false sense of importance. I hesitate to even break them down, or at least not dwell on the final score or the obvious. Like the fact Arizona tatooed Ubaldo and our bullpen threw five innings without an earned run. Neither is sustainable, both teams made plenty of mistakes and either club could've won the extra inning tilt on numerous occasions.

The most important play of the game, not in terms of outcome but culture, was when Justin Upton barreled over Chris Iannetta on a grounder to short.  Iannetta made the play, but Upton made the impact.  How both teams respond today may help inform their respective seasons. The Rockies looked frustrated.  Not with the play so much, which looked clean, but just with losing their opener,  with Jimenez, to a lowly regarded visitor.

I expect them to come out aggressively today, especially on the bases. Dont be surprised if Upton or a teammate gets brushed back, hard.  I'd almost bet on it.   What's less clear, and more important, is how the Dbacks respond. Not just to the Rockies' anticipated aggression, but more generally, to Game 2 of an endless season. Will they wait for Colorado to make a statement, or initiate their will. It doesnt have to be Upton, but it's important someone on the Dbacks knock another Rockie on his ass. Lest anyone mistake Friday's freight train for an accident.

Money For Nothing

The rumor Kirk Gibson is peddling Dodger memorabilia to distance himself from that organization sounds plausible - and characteristically fiesty. The 1988 Dodger MVP isnt parting with Detroit Tiger or Michigan State loot, and the auction comes right on the heels of Gibson's managerial extension in Arizona.



So this is a targeted discard and he doesnt appear financially wanting.

thrilling climax and denouement >>>

Hampton Comes Alive

(I'm In You - MHampton 2011)

The upside, I suppose, of raising Mike Hampton from the dead is that, unlike comps Johnny Podres and Darryl Kile, Hampton is reportedly still alive.

Better yet, Jerry DiPoto conjures his ex teammate as a reliever, so no worries about hard hittin' Mike anchoring the 2011 rotation - anchoring, as in "pulling it down to the bottom of the Mariana Trench".

This sounds more like a motivational gig for the 148 game winner and two time All Star. DiPoto hopes Hampton's vibes rub off on our unmusical pen this September, and that he chimes in whenever appropriate. Show Me The Way, as it were.

It's a program sure to be panned, but even if Mike isnt pitch perfect in The Show, perhaps he can conduct a stirring inspirational pitch ( a la Tony Robbins, albeit one with less teeth). DiPoto has targeted a young bullpen's blues and made a concerted effort to amp up its intensity with an old maestro who knows the score.

Do You Feel Like We Do?

Dbacks Unveil World's Largest Lounge

The Diamondbacks and HKS Architects disclosed plans today to erect the most expansive players' lounge in the history of professional loitering areas. Dubbed The Colossal Players' Lounge at Talking Stick, the $100M compound located near Indian Bend just west of SR101 is expected to open for stretching and bullshitting sometime before the Diamondbacks travel to Taiwan.

Amenities include whirlpools and massage tables, sofas, flat screen TV's and even an on site post office and pharmacy, late add ons suggested by coach and part owner, Matt Williams.

Grass and bushes (pictured, foreground) will be planted just north of the 75,000 sq ft compound. Contingent on any remaining funds, an under - sized "ballpark" is proposed for the southern third of the property. Ordinary people may squat on grass mounds in this auxilliary area, and pay to watch players scratch and spit after exiting their exclusive, state of the art facility to the north.

Maxey Bobblehead Fast Tracked

A Cullen Maxey bobblehead, originally conceived for distribution in 2015 , has been reslated for a week from Tuesday, according to a highly placed team source:

The fans love what Cullen's done for the organization and this is a way we can give back and recognize that relationship. We expect a big turnout.

Maxey, Executive Vice President-Business Operations, re-formulated the Arizona Diamondbacks corporate partnerships strategies during the 2007 season and has seen unprecedented growth with a 33 percent increase to the team's sponsorship revenues over the last two seasons (2007-08) after an organizational decision to reduce marketing clutter throughout the ballpark and dedicating his staff to developing rewarding relationships with the club's corporate partners.

He leads the organization's corporate partnerships initiatives to further strengthen relationships with team sponsors as well as develop innovative ideas to bring additional business to the team. In addition, Maxey oversees the club's ticket sales, communications, marketing, creative services, broadcasting, game operations, fan services, community affairs and spring training efforts. Under his direction in 2008, the marketing team launched new strategies for increasing weekend attendance with Fireworks Friday's, premium item giveaways each Saturday, and Kid's Sunday's. The club created a partnership with local media outlets to promote each promotional night and experienced measurable attendance growth during those games.
- (source: dbacks.com)

Room For Two

After navigating the toughest month of opponents in franchise history, skipper AJ Hinch has predictably been dismissed. Less predictably, he took the General Manager with him. Like Bob Melvin's ouster a year prior, the timing of the firings, relative to the seasonal schedule, leave little doubt as to the short term impetus or curious integrity of the changes.

If you recall, Melvin was axed immediately after surviving a 29 game stretch against almost exclusively .500 or better teams, ushering in Hinch to face the then hapless Nats and Reds at home - and one of the easiest extended stretches in recent memory. Today, Hinch endured a brutal interleague schedule to make way for Kirk Gibson, who will be greeted by 17 of 20 at home against lesser foes. After that, the schedule trends even easier, if that's possible. Sound familiar?

The other parallel involves tangential effects. Melvin's dismissal didnt stir much outrage, at least outside the clubhouse, but did lead directly to the departure of Bryan Price. Today, most everyone is relieved to see Hinch exit, but the absence of Josh Byrnes may prove more strategically problematic.

Byrnes, it is rumored, is the early odds on hero in all this, standing by his man, a la Tammy Wynette. Just kidding. I think it's actually damn dignified and a pretty rare thing to do. To punt a high profile baseball job, because you really believe in someone you think is getting a raw deal.

Just ask Bryan Price.

Longer term, jettisoning AJ Hinch is a good thing, although not as good as never inserting him in the dugout in the first place. The clubhouse vibe, which he was hired to improve, never did, and in fact badly deteriorated. Reportedly, the relationship between Byrnes and Hall had also grown strained. That's what happens when you put a marketing careerist ostensibly in charge of a substantive baseball mind competing under tight fiscal pressures.

The marketing careerist won and I'm not sure that's a good thing for the franchise.

What easily gets lost in all this shifting, is that Melvin and Hinch both had their clubs objectively playing better just before they were dropped. That doesnt mean AJ should've ever been hired, or that Melvin was a great manager. But both teams had settled down, with clearer skies ahead. That contextual performance tends to fall by the wayside, however, when what matters most to the leaders of an organization is manipulating fans and perception. When what's more important than fielding a good team is telling you how good it is. When what trumps winning is manipulating personnel so you can take credit for anticipated bumps a softer schedule affords.

I fear that's what this organization has largely become. It's defining character seems to be perception, rather than substance, driven. Hinch and Byrnes were party to that, at times, and received criticism here. So, I harbor mixed feelings about both of them. But in the end, seeing how their respective if not always respectable tenures played out to the bitter end, it's hard to escape my impression that each young man, in his own way, was probably a little too good for the room.

Willis, Stottlemyre To Swap Roles

Struggling starter Dontrelle Willis will switch roles and responsibilities with embattled pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre Jr, the Diamondbacks announced Tuesday.

According to GM Josh Byrnes, the reassignments aim to optimize organizational resources in a challenged market, and are effective the moment the 46 year old Stottlemyre finds a glove to his liking.

We tried to get Dontrelle to aim the ball between on-deck circles, with mixed results. Mel doesnt throw very hard at his age, or quite as hard as his dad in Missouri, but I think our remaining fans will be pleasantly surprised with his command.

Willis, who has no formal coaching experience, enthusiastically supports the initiative and aims to succeed in his unfamiliar post.

"The ball just wouldnt stay down for me, but I'm down with this. Whatever. Anything that helps the club, you know? That's what I'm about."

Byrnes further defended what, flat on its face, appears to be an unorthodox move:

People may question, "Arent you changing the nature of the job a little bit?" Yeah, we'll do that.

Just because Dontrelle cant throw a strike, doesnt mean he cant inspire others to do so. We noticed how vocal he was with Edwin during the no hitter, and thought it was strange Edwin had never pitched anywhere near that well for Stott.

So, we wanted to capitalize on Dontrelle's unique mentoring skills. We feel we've done that.

General Partner Ken Kendrick chastised skeptical media members:

Some "experts" liken this to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, but we think that's irresponsible. Firstly, the Titanic was an ungainly - and quite ostentatious - vessel, with lots of lifeboats, so it's hardly analogous to our efforts here.

I didnt get into this business to fail, or sink as it were. It's been five years now, and I dont honestly recall why I got involved exactly, but sinking twelve thousand feet straight to the bottom of the ocean wasnt in my wildest dreams.

At heart, I'm a modest man, operating a modest business, realizing modest returns, but despite what others may think, I do have wild dreams from time to time, when I feel it's appropriate. That's the key. I carefully assess whether or not it's appropriate, under the particular circumstances.

I Back, You Back, Hall & Oates Back Away From D'back Flack, Jack

In eerie juxtaposition to Brandon Webb, 80's pop superduo Hall & Oates have cancelled their 2010 commitment to the Arizona Diamondbacks.

The state's controversial immigration law, SB1070, was cited as probable cause by the timeless and talented purveyors of so called "blue eyed soul".

"I cant go for that", warbled lead singer Daryl Hall.

"mmm...no can do", added the olive complected Oates.

Their postgame performance, originally scheduled for July 2nd, was the brainchild of Diamondbacks president Derrick Hall.

"She's gone", a shaken Hall said of the nixed concert. "We better learn how to face it. She's gone. Ohhh I, I'd pay the devil to replace them. She's gone - what went rawwwng?"

Creator of .370 Club Making Improvements, "Getting More Involved"

Since the Earl of Penury has hinted at transformative changes, bigger than Saul Rivera apparently, I guess I should chime in. After all, people used to flock to Diamondhacks from miles around, to get up to speed on all the latest vitriol and schadenfreude directed at our self styled Dream Team. So, if just one person still stumbles in here, by God, I will deliver vitriol and schadenfreude!

After ten straight losses, 31 innings without a run and half a decade without much of a clue, criticizing the Diamondbacks is like shooting large, slow fish in a...well in a desert, frankly. The hoi polloi have coalesced around the intuitive initiative that some combination of Hinch and/or JByrnes needs to go. Having studied Kendrick's tactics for years, however, and listening to his recent comments, I question whether either insider will exit straight away. Ken's odd and obstinate, but he must realize AJ's a bust. How could one not? I imagine he's showing support for Hinch now because he doesnt want to introduce a new manager against June's brutal interleague schedule - an awkward time to be fostering even the illusion of competitive progress.

Besides, Kendrick is almost assuredly more eager to cut costs and float hazy perceptions of long term progress, than invest in easily measured (and judged) short term moves in a 'lost' season. It sounds as if AJ's gonna stick around, at least through the most difficult stretch of games, much like Melvin before him.

And if AJ's safe it's hard to conceptualize Josh Byrnes getting the immediate boot either, despite Nick Piecoro's emphasis on JB's tenuous future. Perhaps an internal promotion, like Woodfork, is possible. It just seems exceedingly awkward for AJ to be thrust upon any GM coming from outside the organization.

Instead, I anticipate player moves to dump salary and prepare for next year and beyond. I also think Mel Stottlemyre Jr will be dismissed. This FO has a long history of blaming low level managers for encompassing, organizational shortcomings, and Stott's dismissal can easily be justified by Arizona's atmospheric ERA. It also serves to at least partially appease a hostile fan base lusting for management blood.

Who will this club's geniuses dump or trade this go round? Here's their priciest long term obligations, in millions: '

Justin Upton $50
Dan Haren $34
CY $24
Reynolds $14
Ed Jackson $12
Snyder $11
Drew *** (arbitration in 2011-2012)


Developing...

Dbacks Land Rivera, Bullpen Woes Solved

Nine years after an electrifying World Series (pictured, left), Arizona once again stunned the baseball world, as the slumping, mid-market Diamondbacks paid cash for the most storied name in relief pitching history.

Rivera!

The thirteen year pro ball veteran arrives from the American League, by way of Puerto Rico, and currently sports a 0.53 ERA, along with a 2-0 record and four saves.

The right hander was not on most fans' radar, as he was thought to be too expensive for this ownership group to pursue, however the acquisition should alter the balance of power in the National League West.

Developing....

Hinch Ditched For Wagner Card

The holy grail of baseball cards, a Honus Wagner T206 owned by Ken Kendrick, will immediately supplant AJ Hinch as skipper, the Diamondbacks announced today. Hinch has been reassigned.

"We knew when we hired AJ that we were pretty out of the box. Believe me, we knew" Kendrick said. "It didnt work out, so this time I decided to keep our search within the box. Specifically, PSA's lucite casing, which protects my extraordinary Wagner card.

I want two things from a manager. First, dont ask questions when I give a directive. And two, be clean cut. I was pleased with AJ's appearance, the lack of facial hair, but one doesnt need a magnifying glass to see the Flying Dutchman is expertly trimmed as well. "

Team President Derrick Hall also issued a statement:

This latest move is exciting for the franchise and the Diamondbacks' nation of highly valued fans. Our most recent year of gross underperformance was a perception issue among our wonderful fans who are still learning the game, and doesnt reflect negatively on AJ or the outstanding leaders who hired him. AJ is a true difference maker, who developed and managed our fabulous core, without a hint of facial hair.

Kendrick added: AJ was a very clear thinker, but nothing matches the clarity and gloss of my Wagner card. It's a PSA 8 for God's sake, and just jumps off the paper. Take a look! It's hypnotic!

The principal owner was asked if a player card managing a major league team might present problems.

"No. Honus commands respect wherever he goes. We'll display him on the manager's stool, in the dugout, where everybody can see him. I'm confident we'll be fine."

Casting My Vote

I suppose I should make a season prediction, before first pitch. It only seems fitting, lest subsequent complaints on this page embody an even hollower quality... if that's possible. Like clowns who rail at government but dont vote.

I wont bore you with rationales. Not today. We've heard everything a hundred times, about Webb, the hitting, the offense. I'll simply bore you with my prediction instead.

83 wins

Opportunities Galore

It's not enough, apparently, to graciously reap the financial windfall of a coveted Yankee visit in June. No, MLBAM has conspired with the Dbacks to impose one of those faux lotteries on Derrick Hall's dwindling faction of "deeply valued" fans. It's not the kind of generally understood "lottery" where you actually win something. Instead, an undisclosed number of "applicants" will possibly be selected for the humbling opportunity to buy Yankee tickets. At, of course, premium prices. Gee. Bring out the bubbly.

It's also the kind of "lottery" where all the form defaults are set to deluge "applicants" with waves of spam from MLB and the Diamondbacks. Plus, you provide copious personal data with utterly no guarantee of even transacting a sale.

Just to prove they're actually doing this, I screen printed part of their Purchase Opportunity Form (yes, that's what they call it) from dbacks.com before it disappears into the night like a burglar.

This fake contest started back on September 15th (roughly four months after the parent club's fake season began in earnest under AJ Hinch), and ends today, February 19th. Gee, sales have been sluggish since 2005's transfer of power, but does it really take five months to sell Yankee tickets?

The fan friendly Dbacks bestow other ostensible ticket opportunities upon deeply valued followers. Like driving to Tucson($30) to endure exhibitions no one tries to win, and paying $14-18 for each seat with any kind of back to it. Well, $14-18 before various fees and the prevailing privilege of a traffic jam before paying extra for unpaved parking.

These are marvelous opportunities to tell the Diamondbacks, "No thanks." If you love baseball, like I do, the three time defending Pac 10 champion Sun Devils play in a verdant little jewel box in Tempe. An easy walk from light rail, and parking was free the last time I went. Tickets are $7 and $10 for seats right near the action. Players try to win. They care like hell actually, and heated ejections are common. The chattery home crowd is intense and occasionally intimidating, without the benefit of free flowing in-game alcohol or prompts from a giant advertising scoreboard.

Imagine that.

Out of Town Scoreboards

This time of year, normal Phoenicians have long since tired of what the usual opinionistas profess did in our local nine. Derrick Hall looks to injury and happenstance, Levski targets the EB contract, and my dear friend Jim McLennan blames Colangelo, stupid fans or anyone other than Jim's put upon franchise princelings. This blog, Diamondhacks, ID's pretenders undermining not just our NL West chances, but Western civilization itself.

So there you have it. We know where everyone stands. Or bends. Let's fill our lungs, instead, with some fresh air from beyond our well dug trenches. From Andrew Baggerly, for example, an SF Giants beat writer. Keep in mind, "beats" normally come down more critically on the orgs they cover every single day. Three days v. the Dbacks apparently made quite an impression.

Baggerly:

The Arizona Diamondbacks are a hot mess. I used the word “dysfunctional” in my game story, but only because I write for a family newspaper.

The players don’t appear to hustle or care, they make embarrassing fundamental errors and almost every inning, you get the sense they’ve never scouted their opponent or pay any attention to detail. I suppose that’s what happens when you replace your manager with your farm director in the name of “organizational advocacy.” (And while I don’t know much about A.J. Hinch, it’s pretty clear a Stanford degree only gets you so far.)

Let’s put it this way. If a runner is standing at third base with less than two outs, the game situation often compels you to play the infield in, right?

When that runner is Bengie Molina, uhhhh… not such a smart move.

The most embarrassing part was when pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre Jr. went out to talk to Dan Haren, got snippy when plate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt tried to move things along, and ended up getting tossed. Then Hinch got tossed, too.

All the while, Haren was standing on the mound, getting cold. Brilliant stuff, boys.


Another out of towner, Spink Award winner Tracy Ringolsby, rumors the reeling Dbacks are for sale. One can certainly pray. His unsourced tidbit drew a blustery denial from Earl "Ken" Kendrick, the moralist legally squabbling over Jeff Moorad's outgoing share, while preaching he's not in baseball for the money.

Kendrick:

"It's a complete and total fabrication of the highest order. That's [selling the Dbacks] the last thing on my mind."

Well, hardly the last thing, given recent sale of another major league franchise all but confirmed "the last thing" on Kendrick's mind was his most embedded partner's vigorous interest in the San Diego Padres.


Ringolsby points out "there is no indication that there have been any serious talks with a prospective buyer...", so he's not floating a baseless rumor that a sale is imminent. He's implying a credible, unnamed source has hinted to him that the Dbacks are "available", open to discussion, etc. Kendrick calls that a complete and total fabrication? It's not much of a story, is it? The idea Kendrick would sit down with a hypothetical buyer? Why would Ringolsby completely fabricate something so mundane out of thin air?

It's true he shares my general disdain for Dbacks brass, and more specificially their hollow cult of organizational aggrandizement, but as a columnist, he's entitled that. The issue isnt who likes who - it's whether there's anything to the sale rumor and who's telling the truth.

We dont know the answer, but I would ask two questions pursuant to it.

1. Who sounds more credible, less bombastic here? A high ranking journalist who claims the Dbacks are "available" but there's no evidence of any serious sit downs, or an owner who dismisses such tame talk as "a complete and total fabrication." How could Kendrick possibly know what others have confided in Ringolsby to make such a sweeping indictment?

2. Who's got the larger potential conflict of interest? A very well-connected journalist relaying an unsourced aside, or the owner of an unstable $400M concern, worried about his position amid rumor he wants out? Who has more to gain by hiding the truth for their own profit?

Perhaps Jeff Moorad could shed some light on the subject.

Master of his Campaign

Shadow Mountain High graduate, Curt Schilling, has expressed "some interest" in Ted Kennedy's vacated Senate seat. To his immense credit (everything about Curt is immense), the glib, opportunistic pitcher and online wargame wiz conceded "many, many things would have to align themselves" to make a run for the legislative body.

Not "many" things. Many, many things.

Um, yeah.

Cards Unveil New Era, Logo

After two decades of failing to establish a strong, positive identity in Arizona, the football Cardinals have unveiled a bold new look.

"This is great! Flagstaff Purple it's called, after mountains up there...or something" assured team spokeman, Hedrick Dahl.

"We're certain it's bold. It's aggressive. It's exciting. That's the message. That we're bold, we're aggressive and ...um...what was the third one?...oh yes, EXCITING! All our fans, regardless of age or gender, will love the look!"

Official colors include Flagstaff Purple, PV Green and Encanto Gold, and the team name was abbreviated to Car**nals. New uniforms will be showcased at an invitation only gala and fashion show on the Scottsdale Waterfront, for those invested in the new merchandise.

Outside Tempe team HQ, an army of red clad fans protested the changes.

"All my jerseys and stuff are, like, obsolete, man" wailed Toby Weaver III.

"They had no right to do this" added Claiborne Childs. "No right whatsover. Cards made the Super Bowl and now I cant even recognize my own team!"

Dahl downplayed such fleeting attachments:

"First, loyal fans understand we share the division with the Forty Niners, who wear red, so there were compelling jurisdictional issues. Second, unspecified vendors filed unconfirmed complaints against Cardinal red. Fictional typesetters told us it's almost as hard to match up with as Santonio Holmes. Finally, disloyal fans have no idea how valuable our relationships are with unspecified vendors."

Reader sentiment, in an Arizona Republic poll, is running 80/20 against the changes. "Purple is for grandmas....and Vikings...and Ravens and junk. They never should've changed it" warned season ticket holder Bob Scanlon, who dropped his package after the annoucement.

"There will always be strange little red people" explained Dahl. "Our counterstrategy is to publicly scratch our heads in mock bewilderment, then individually invite vocal deadenders up to our executive offices for a purple jersey on the sly - and hope to hell they shut up and move on. Appointments 7456 through 8143 are scheduled for this Thursday. As I said, everyone will love the new look. Or me, maybe. I'm not entirely sure"

******************

Song of the Day - Little Purple Corvette (silent version)

Dbacks, Sage Ink 1 Yr $800K Dill

For the third thyme in five seasonings, the Arizona Diamondbacks reached a dill with resident sage, Tony Clark. The one year dill is reportedly for $800K, according to a highly sourced leek.

"I wont make a mint here" warned the irrepressibly chervil first baseman, "but I've put together some good Aprils and Mace, and god willing, can blend into the mix."

Manager Bob Melvin feels Clark will also exert enormous positive influence on his young roster:

You hear the sage stuff all the time with Tony, but we feel we may've latched onto a shaman, at the price of a sage. We're excited, almost to a frenzy, about Tony's presence.

The 6'8" Clark's preparation is legendary.

First thing I do when I cumin to the park is play pepper with the guys. Hitting requires methodical preparation. I take each of the kids through my various steps: Having the right attitude, Highlighting a pitch, and Hitting through the ball. I call it Preparation "H". The guys seem to take it in pretty well. It's a receptive group.

***************
Song of the Day - Reunited (Peaches & Herb)

Backin' Blackley

As if snaring southpaw standouts Felipe Lopez and Lo Bundy wasnt enough, the Dbacks boldly announced the acquisition of left handed slugger, Travis Blackley, a lifetime .333 batter in the major leagues.

The 26 year old native Melbournite also hits 1.000 when leading off innings, 743 points higher than last year's leadoff batter, Chris Young, under similar circumstances. In the unlikely event Blackley doesnt meet expectations from the left side of the dish, the team is looking to resign Big Tony Clark, for some reason.

The surprisingly affordable Blackley has started for both the Seattle Mariners and San Francisco Giants, but most recently preferred to play with the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, where he hit .429, inspiring them to a memorable, record setting season.

**************

Song of the Day - Back In Black - (AC/DC)

YESSS!!!! Dbacks Nab Bundy!!!!

In a feverishly chronicled bidding war that could "make or break the franchise", the Arizona Diamondbacks aggressively wooed and landed Tucsonan gamechanger Lorenzo Bundy - to coach some, heal festering rifts with previous ownership and Pima County, and bring home a championship.

Bundy's authoritative presence in the Dbacks' first base coaching box is expected to rattle opposing pitchers, reinvigorate the running game, and instill critical life skills across the young roster. Perhaps no one in baseball so alertly counsels baserunners that they're "Ok, you're OK..little more...ok...ok...GITTT BACK!!!!" or seamlessly stows shin and elbow guards like the storied 2004 Diamondback bench coach.

Just when remaining fans were losing faith with the club's litany of All Star subtractions and less than transformative acquisitions, the Diamondbacks changed the entire winter's conversation.

"We got our fans back!", said CEO Jeff Moorad.

In related news, Moorad indicated phenom Max Scherzer, who had been publicly slated as the rotation's #3 or 4 (essentially interchangeable with Doug Davis), is actually the team's #5 - and that our #4 would be a "player to be named."

These remarks from today's online chat, along with the organization's fairly obvious availability of funds, and the fact no one currently in house could reasonably be expected to hopscotch over Scherzer, all lend credence to the idea Josh Byrnes will acquire a starter shortly.

My friends, now let's go out and win this thing.

************************

Song of the Day - Get Ready (The Temptations, Lead: Eddie Kendricks)